Almost Daily Cat Haiku

I felt I had to give a nod to the titular parallel with today’s Haiku. It is inevitable, at least in my head, to think “dalmatians” when I hear “one hundred and one”. 

I find it interesting, that although the original book and even the original 1961 movie were titled “One Hundred and One…”, I have always known it as “101”. And it further intrigues me that the number “101” is frequently read as “one-oh-one”, as in entry level college courses or a highway designation. But then also automatically read as “one hundred and one” in other settings, like in the case of the collection of canines made famous by The Mouse Man.

Aaaand, my grey matter is stimulated still more by the curious appearance of the conjunction “and” in the middle of the American English spelled out versions of certain numbers. I feel it appears in the written as a result of it appearing in the spoken word, but I do not know if that is one hundred percent the truth of it. But pondering the gallinacious origin of the ampersand was not my interest. What astonishes me is the ubiquitousness of the “and” within numerical lexicon and the apparent rules that govern its use.

To begin with, the word has a very specific numerical use in English when used correctly, and is not nestled between the digits of certain post-centurian figures. When speaking numbers words aloud, the word “and” is an oration of the “+” symbol. Much like using “is” to mean “=”. This phenom is illustrated plainly in the colloquial “one and one is two”. But at some point that three letter utterance of convergence erroneously migrated into the body of specific numbers. And there are unwritten yet universally accepted regulations in our modern, new world, English, as to how and where that three lettered word should be used. (Even though it shouldn’t!) We would never say “forty and two” when reading the Arabic “42”. But if that numeral was “402” it could be commonly read as “four hundred and two”. Or “420”; while “four hundred twenty” is correct, “four hundred and twenty” is equally as accepted. And as we shift the decimal another slot to the right, “4,042” can be read as “four thousand and forty two”, even though that is syntactally incorrect. But, I should point out, it is mathematically correct. Since “and” is an acceptable way to read the symbol “+” in simple arithmetic, and 4,000 + 42 does indeed equal 4,042. But if that is the argument, can we say “plus” in the middle of selected numbers? Would you say aloud “four thousand plus forty two” when reading “4,042”? I would look at you funny if you did, and I don’t think I’d be alone in that.

The correct use of this incorrectly added word has further arbitrary limits. Let’s add another couple hundred to our example, 4,242. Rightly spoken; Four thousand two hundred forty two. The established placement for our subject injection would be between the first of the twos and the second of the fours, “four thousand two hundred and forty two”. Not “four thousand and two hundred forty two”. Not “four thousand two hundred forty and two”. And most definitely nothing like “four thousand and two hundred and forty and two”. Gah. Writing that gave me heartburn.

It can be acceptable to alter the expression of the forth and third numeric columns, stating the the two as single function of the second. That is: “forty two hundred forty two”. And if that were the choice in verbalization, the “and” can also be placed. But, you will notice, it is placed on the same location as before: “forty two hundred and forty two”.

The complexity of this placement waxes exponentially as the numbers likewise grow. Where “four thousand and two hundred forty two” sounds ridiculous, the positioning between the hundreds column and the thousands will flow flawlessly if we shift our example another tenfold: “Forty two thousand and four hundred twenty four.” But as we arrive at the ten-thousands place, we see something new. A second acceptable placement. We can also say “forty two thousand four hundred and twenty four”, without getting side-eyed by strangers.

Even though there are two allowable placements, it is still unacceptable to use the word twice. “Forty two thousand and four hundred and twenty four” is something a second grader or a crazy person might say. It just doesn’t work.

You may see some patterns developing. But when you do, test them with zeros. Swapping out certain place holders with the non-number will likely throw most any rule you may have in head asunder. It may appear that There Shall Not Be an and between the the final two numbers. But alas; 4,204 can be read as “four thousand two hundred and four”. And if we think back towards the beginning of this exerciar, “four hundred and two” was satisfactory as well. But, if all but the leftmost position is occupied by goose eggs, there is never a place for and. Although, I might just start saying things like “four hundred and zero” just to throw people.

I hope you have enjoyed today’s walk along my neural pathways. The ponderings above are quite typicall of the synaptic activity of my day to day consciousness. As you close this window with a raised eyebrow and judgementally muttered “wow…”, the gaps between my brain cells will still crackle with electricity as I try to understand why “four” has a U but “forty” doesn’t…

Anyshoe. I hope you enjoy your Monday as much as possible. I get an extra day off because a pipe broke.

Bye