Almost Daily Cat Haiku

FlooferNoofer is so cute, and murderous. Noting the general lethality of cats, I am surprised there aren’t more truly villainous villains personified as cats. Sure, there are plenty of cat villains out there, but they never seem to really capture the psychotic blood-lust of our fluffy little furballs. Most of them are secondary characters; sidekicks. Like Azrael to Gargamel, Felicia beside Ratigan, Lucifer at the feet of Lady Tremaine, or that unimaginative and racist Aunt Sarah who named her pair of siamese cats Si & Am. WTF was that about.

There are the Big Cat villains, the lions, and tigers, and (no, bears aren’t cats) oh my. They tend to be true protagonists, like: Scar, Shere Kahn, or Prince John. But they always seem to be the power hungry patriarch trope. The prince who wants to king. And most of the time they have henchmen, (or hench-hyenas?) who do most of the dirty work.

There are special situational cat villains too, that I don’t really count as “cat villains”. Like Cat Woman, who is villain, but also sometimes not a villain, who does villainy type things, but for reasons that are not at all villainy. She’s too dualitous to be labled plainly a villain. Or Yzma, who is definitely a grad-a, world-class villain. And she becomes a cat. But that isn’t the same as a cat who is a villain. Or the film adaptation of the musical Cats, that was so horrifically bad we can consider every single character a villain against common decency. (Except Tay. She gets a pass.) (No, Judy doesn’t get to slide too, she should have known better.)

From memory, the only truly villainous villain cat I could think of was Warren T. Rat, (who, of course, is actually Warren T. Cat in disguise) and he is a ruthless, sadistic, and murderous little fucker. He kidnapps mice and sells them to sweatshops. He starts a war across NY City over 50 cents. And when he realizes he’s lost his edge, he lights a whole goddamned pier on fire in an effort to kill every resident (mouse) in the city. Dude was a monster.

But. While I was trying to find more info on villain cats, I stumbled into one I had previously not heard of.  From a 1962 Warner Bros film titled “Gay Purr-ee”, Meowrice takes the proverbial cake. This dastardly bastard runs a cat-trafficking enterprise and tries coerce the young and innocent Mewsette into his scheme so he can sell her as a mail order bride to some rich schmuck in East Philly. I mean, jesusshitinabucket, this was an animated kids movie, and it starts off like Liam Nissan’s “Taken”! I’m gonna have to watch this.

But anycheese. I have to go put on pants and go to work. Laters!

(ps: I didn’t go back and proofread this, so sorry if I missed words or anything)